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THE DEVIL'S BEATITUDES
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BLESSED are they who are too tired and busy to go to church on Sunday; for they are my best workers.

BLESSED are they who are bored with the minister's mannerisms and mistakes; for they get nothing out of the sermon.

BLESSED are they who do not get to church on Sunday evening for they cause the world to say, "The church is failing."

BLESSED is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church; for he is an important member to me.

BLESSED are they who gossip, for they cause strife and divisions which pleases me very much.

BLESSED are they who are easily offended, for they soon get angry and quit.

BLESSED are they who do not give their offering to carry on God's work; they are my helpers.

BLESSED is he who professes to love God but hates his brother for he shall be with me forever.

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